Trust and Longing
by stardust2002
Summary: Post Objects in Space fic. A little talk between Simon and Kaylee


Trust and Longing

Post 'Objects in Space' story. Simon/Kaylee ship.

Kaylee tapped gently at the screen that acted as a door to Simon's room. She'd just finished tucking in River since Simon was incapacitated and unable to leave his bed without help.

"Come in," he said, polite as always. Kaylee shook her head and smiled as she pulled the screen aside. No matter what the circumstances, Simon was unfailingly polite. His voice sounded tired, and when she'd pulled the screen far enough to see his face, she could see he was as tired as he sounded.

"Hey, how're you doing?" she asked quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch his wounded leg.

"Well..." he said, trying to smile but not suceeding very well. "It hurts. I think ... I think perhaps Early was right - surgeons should have to endure this kind of pain before treating patients. I don't think you can possibly understand, not from reading all the books in the world." He looked up and smiled a genuine smile at her.

"You could've asked me. I would've set you straight about how much it hurts," Kaylee said, smiling back, but her hands were twining nervously in her lap.

"You never said one word of complaint!" Simon exclaimed. "To look at you, one would think it didn't hurt a bit!"

"Guess that's just the way I am. The good, the bad, you take whatever comes your way and you make the best of it." She shrugged. Getting shot had hurt horribly, but it was just physical pain, and Simon had done his best to dull that for her. The scars from the emotional pain she'd endured as a child were much more painful still, but she'd been taught not to complain and always put on a brave face.

"That's one of the things I love about you. You always find the best in everything." Simon reached out and took her hand in his, closing his warm fingers around hers. It was probably because he was feverish, but it felt good nonetheless. Simon felt sparks cross through his hand and all the way up his arm as he always did when they touched, even accidentally. He was so confused about her. More accurately, what to do with her. She'd been pretty open about the fact that she liked him and wanted more than just friendship. He wanted more too, but he was afraid; didn't know if he could trust ... really just didn't know what to think.

He'd never been good with girls. Except River, but that didn't count. She came pretty close to reading his mind even before THEY had experimented on her, changing her forever.

They sat together in silence for a few moments, hands and eyes locked, each thinking similar thoughts.

"It was nice of you to come and see me," Simon stuttered out awkwardly, breaking the hand and eye contact. Kaylee's face fell. She'd so hoped ... but maybe it was just never meant to be. But she couldn't just let it go, not after all these months of cat and mouse, playing games with each other's feelings. Maybe it was time for the games to end - to be serious.

"Simon, isn't there ... I mean, are we, could we, is there any chance...?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly, interrupting her stammering. He knew what she was trying to say, and respected that she was attempting to do it diplomatically - something she wasn't good at. Forthrightness and honestly were Kaylee's forte, and, be honest, he told himself, that's one of the reasons you care so deeply for her. "I really don't know," he echoed, after all these thoughts flashed through his mind.

"Just seems to me like we're gettin' somewhere and then you pull away, like you was just teasing me. Are you? Or do you really care? 'Cause it seems to me like we both got feelings but maybe I'm wrong. If I am, just tell me straight and I'll leave you alone."

Simon paused for a moment and then said quietly, "you're not wrong."

Kaylee's eyes grew large and Simon felt as though he was melting. "Then why... I don't understand ... why do you keep running away from me?"

Simon's chin wavered a moment as his mouth opened and closed as he thought of a way to respond. "I'm afraid."

Kaylee stared in disbelief. "Afraid of what?"

When Simon didn't answer for a long moment, she continued. "Afraid of what people'll think? You being such a fine gentleman and all, and me being a poor mechanic with no money from nowhere?"

"No, Kaylee, that's not what I meant at all," Simon hastened to reply, seeing the hurt in her eyes.

"Then what did you mean?" she asked tearfully, blinking rapidly.

Simon took a deep breath and winced at the sudden pain. "I'm afraid you're only interested in me BECAUSE I'm from a wealthy family and because I'm a surgeon. Well, used to be anyway," he added, his glance dropping down to his lap.

"Why would you think that?" Kaylee asked in a low, almost whispered voice. "You think all I care about is what you look like, and how much money you got? Guess you don't know me as well as you thought." She sniffled.

"It's not you, it's just ... well ... all the girls who've pursued me have always done so because of my family's status or because of my position at the hospital," he admitted, finally lifting his eyes to meet hers again. She could see pain there, pain that he'd obviously been trying hard to mask.

"I don't like you because of your fancey clothes or your 'proper manners', though I admit they are appealing. It wouldn't matter a whit to me if you were a poor boy from a backwater planet like me. I like you because of what's here." She slid up the bed's edge and put her hand on his chest over his heart. Their eyes locked and he felt a rush of emotion as he eyes opened wide and he could see love written there.

"I like you 'cause you're shy, but you still laugh with me and tell me stories about when your life was better and you were happy. I like you 'cause you had the world - ain't nothing you didn't have, but you gave it all up to protect the one you love. You swore an oath to protect life and heal folks, but you'd do anything including kill to protect River." She moved close so their faces were only inches apart. "I know you think bein' proper is so important but I've seen you when you let your guard down and you let yourself have fun. And THAT person I like a lot." As she spoke the last sentence, her hand slid from his chest down onto his lap, twining her fingers into his.

He clasped them tightly, fighting tears. "You have no idea how much that means to me," he said, voice unsteady.

"You ain't never had anyone like you just for you before?" she asked wonderingly.

"Only River. She's the only person I've ever been able to be myself. Everyone else has always expected things of me." When she looked at him quizzically, he hurried to explain. "My parents expected me to be the obedient child, with perfect manners. They expected me to become a first rate surgeon, which I did. They expected me to always do what was 'proper'. And I never wanted to disappoint them, so I always did what was expected of me, until I captured River and took her away. Now my parents don't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

"What about your girlfriends?"

"Um... I ... I ... well ... I really didn't have girlfriends exactly ..." he flushed in embarrassment. But it was true, they hadn't been 'girlfriends', they'd been girls who dated him because they wanted to be seen with him in public - because of his name and image. He'd never really cared for any of them, they'd just been a way to pass the time.

But Kaylee was different. Though he had trouble showing his feelings, he loved being with her. She made him forget his life, his troubles, and just enjoy the moment. She always had a way of seeing the best in everything, and it cheered his soul immensely. He was a completely different person with her. He didn't know what to do or say, it was all so new to him. And so he usually put his foot in his mouth and ruined the situation. Something inside told him that had he apologized for his ill-chosen words, she'd have forgiven him immediately and things would be right with them again, but his pride always made him back away in fear.

He wanted so much for it to work between them - for that happy easiness to remain and turn into more, but he just didn't know how to make it work.

She stroked his hand gently with her thumb, the rest of the fingers still entwined. "Don't you think it's time you had one then?" she whispered.

"Long past time," he whispered back, leaning forward and gently brushing his lips against hers. She smiled and leaned into the kiss, deepening it just a little.

As the kiss broke slowly, unwillingly, Kaylee opened her eyes to see Simon smiling at her. "Got anyone in mind?" she asked, squeezing his hand in hers.

"As a matter of fact ..."

The End


End file.
